My heart's just not that into it

Long story short: We ended up going to uni at 12pm and just bummed around. Martin was really hyper and not-so-sober so it's been an interesting day despite the fact that we completely wasted it. I bought 2 chocolate chip cookies and he was like "AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH, YOU FORGOT THAT I DON'T LIKE CHOCOLATE CHIP??? I'M SO HURT AND HEART BROKEN!" He said that in a very loud voice inside the very quiet bus. He was also singing all day long and he made fun of my handwriting, signature, and basically everything about me.

One of the best things that I love about Massey is that it looks extremely beautiful. The environment is just lovely and peaceful,  complete opposite of my previous school in the city.

Hi guys! Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments on my previous blog post. I would be lying if I say that I've improved but I'm definitely determined to get over my addiction. My weekend is basically fully-booked so this may be a good start!

If you recall my planner update on Monday, you know my week is supposedly full of activities and doing a lot of uni-related stuff. Sadly, things didn't go according to plan. I slacked off for 3 days and did absolutely nothing. I've been "busy" reading other blogs, looking for more blogs, promoting my site, working with clients, etc. Sometimes, I even ask myself if I'm really meant to be studying in uni. I mean, I enjoy freelancing and there's so many other things I can do if I don't go to uni. I can spare more time in doing projects and look for other ways to earn a stable income. To be quite frank, I always go to uni but do nothing. I think I've already typed this before but for the sake of those who don't know, Martin and I spend 90% of our time in the library googling random shit and watching videos on Youtube. My heart's not really into the subjects I'm taking. Maybe I'm just lazy? That could be a reason. But deep inside, I know that I still haven't found what I really LOVE doing. I bought a Canon 60D last month because I'm really interested in learning photography but I rarely have the time to practice. I don't know, but it feels wrong being stuck with something that you're not passionate about. Yes, I enjoy uni because of the people around me and all the spontaneous things that happen; but studying my course itself is the main issue I'm referring about. 

To be honest, I wanna get over this "phase" (well, if you consider it a phase) I've invested a lot of money for university and feeling unmotivated will get me nowhere. My life's direction has always been about getting at least a bachelor's degree and I guess it's too late to turn back now. I just hope that someday, I will find what I love doing so I can finally break free from all these uncertainties and feel completely happy.

I feel so lost.

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