I already posted a blog update about my self-esteem issues a couple of weeks ago; but today, I felt the need to talk about it again. Don't get me wrong, life in general is really great at the moment. I just find my insecurities crawling back in my head every now and then, especially when I'm applying at different jobs (at least whenever I try to.. I never click "send" anyways) For now, I'm totally fine with freelancing. I'm making a good amount of money by writing essays and being a virtual assistant. But what happens after I graduate? Surely, I need to start looking for a "real" job, and this is what I'm really scared of.
I never had a proper job. When I was in high school, all I did was tutor students who are having a hard time in English. They approached me and asked if I was interested in tutoring them since they really wanna pass high school and they're more comfortable being taught by someone who belongs in the same ethnicity as them. It went great, I had fun teaching them because it was a really fulfilling experience, and they're all in different universities now.
Now, you may wonder why I'm scared. I have a lot of reasons, but the main issue I have right now is that I have ZERO experience at all. I'm turning 19 next month and I've never even had a proper job. Most people in my age can already fill up their CV's with heaps of experiences and referees, and it depresses me every time I realise that. I feel like a total failure and so left behind, I wish I could turn back time and change that. I feel really embarrassed to even present my CV because there's nothing really important that's listed in there. Imagine an 18 year old applying for a job with no experience at all; if you were the employer, would you even take the time to read all the other stuff I've typed in there.? Yeah, I figured.
I know, I know. You wanna ask me why I never looked for a job. Well, here comes the second issue: I feel like no one will accept me. I have to be frank, I'm very very insecure with my appearance, especially with my height (I'm 5ft) No experience + not impressive appearance = overly insecure little me. I just can't bear the thought of being rejected because it really puts me down. I wish there's a cure for that, I would gladly splurge money on that cure as long as I can.
I'm surrounded by people who truly appreciates me, and I'm truly thankful for that. It's just that I won't have these people forever and I would have to face the REAL world someday, and that scares me.
I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Have you tried talking to someone you look up to about this? Maybe they can help push you do what you need to do. I know it's very cliche and it's very easy to say but you can't let your looks make you feel like that. I feel like smaller people have that charm that makes you guys instantly cute! My cousin is 5ft and I'm 5'8". It's been hard because I've always been TOO tall for other people (especially back in Asia) so I've never been comfortable with my height until I moved to the US. About job hunting, I'll begin with looking for entry level jobs to start. I'm sure they'll also consider your online job experience. I hope you get over this soon! :)
ReplyDeletexo,
janmloves.blogspot.com
OMG. Don't be. I'm twenty two, and i never had a job experience too. Ever. My OJT were just signed by a bar owner i know. I am not proud of it but i certainly don't feel so bad about it. I mean, everything happens for a reason. You did your part. And me, i'm 5'7" and a half but i am big, and i don't think of it as a hindrance in applying for a job in the industry i was eyeing to have a job. Your online job can counts, okay. Nowadays, not every blogger has their 300+ followers. It means we love what you write, we take time reading what you post or we simply share the same ideas or such. And by that, i pronounce you as a good blogger. :)
ReplyDeleteElle @
http://amaranthinescintilla.blogspot.com/
When I graduated college, the job market suckedddd (still does haha) but I stopped applying because I got SO discouraged. I'm a SAHM now and the idea of looking for a job eventually terrifies me.
ReplyDeleteTrial and error.. you'll do great! And give it time, it will work out!
I don't think you should be insecure or nervous about your lack of job experience at all. And I'm really sorry that you're feeling that way because I felt similarly a few years ago when I was entering college out of high school and really wanted a job and had nothing on my resume because I wasn't allowed to work beforehand. No experience in our tanking economy wasn't going to cut it. But I found that some of the things I didn't think would qualify me for a job (volunteer ops) actually got me jobs, and from there I was able to build :) I hope that helps some!
ReplyDeleteThe Indie Byline
Nah the people who surround you right now will still be here Gia, well I know I will be :) haha sentiiiiii ;)
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about not filling up your cv with heaps of experiences 'cause I purrtty sure you're not the only one :) Si mika din hahahaha! isang example sha! OI tara let's apply just jeans sa sylvia park. it's part time every sundays in the afternoon.. 3+ hours of working lang :)
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From reading your blog you seem like a lovely person inside and out! You obviously have to make your own decisions but a bit of advice from me - how about looking for a part time job? This might help you settle into the working world and would leave you time for yourself as well...meeting new people and having something else to focus on would also help with your insecurity. If you enjoyed helping children with their English how about looking for a part time teaching assistant job? :) Good luck in whatever you do x
ReplyDeletehttp://ileftmyheartinmiami.blogspot.co.uk/
Hi, you are only 19 years old and so much experience to come. You already have more experience than I had at this age. Online work experience is weight the same way as other experience. Who can say at 19 to be a virtual assistant - thats awesome!
ReplyDeleteI started working while at University when I was around 20/21 years old - not much older. You have to work your entire life - please enjoy a little of your life and start worrying later! Also you have the teaching job - its really all a great experience! You will do great! Really!
I absolutely love your blog and from what I am reading you can do great in writing as well!
xo
I can also relate with this post as well!
ReplyDeleteSometimes I look back and think "why didn't I do this or that"
But then I realize that at a young age a lot of people don't focus as much as they should even if they are in school or have a "real job" and they don't do as well as they probably can.
My friend in college says, sometimes he wishes he waited till he was older because he would have been more mature and focused.
I look back and think on all the places I have been this year and all the things I have done. I have traveled 6 times this year and will be traveling in a month. It's great because I have free time that others don't have. Sure when the time is right I will get there, as will you. I know that in 2 months when the free time starts to disappear I will be wishing for it back.
Enjoy yourself while you can, if you don't have kids or a husband to support, then you shouldn't worry too much.
Hey there,
ReplyDeleteDon't feel bad, it's really common to be 19 and not have job experience... that's still young! My cousin got her first job at age 19, and I'm 21 and have very little experience (the few jobs I've had, I only had for 2-14 days before getting let go. I have panic attacks, so it's really hard to keep a job)... and as for the 'appearance' issues, I know how you feel. I used to cut myself loads (and unfortunately still do sometimes, ugh), so I can't work anywhere with a uniform because it'll show my scars. I have to work somewhere that'll let you wear your own clothes, or long sleeves and long pants because my arms and legs look like I was mauled by a wild clawed animal! So, in perspective, being short isn't a really big deal. I'm 5'1" and haven't even ever considered my height an issue for potential employers.
But, I know how you feel being depressed about not being able to get a job. My panic attacks, lack of experience, and not knowing how to drive or having a car are the reason I have so many limitations on jobs: nothing involving customer service, nothing requiring experience, and nothing not-walking distance from home.
It sucks, and sometimes I go for days on end with just one meal because I can't afford it due to my lack of steady income (if I can make it to my parents house they sometimes let me do some work for them for $10)... but I know how you feel about not having a job. And let me tell you, it's really common here in America, since there aren't very many open job oppurtunities anymore, so employers will throw away the application just looking at your age, without even reading your experience or seeing what you look like.
Like the person said above, be happy you don't have kids to support, I'm really glad I don't (though I have a cat, and he gets fed before I do!) Just keep trying out for jobs, eventually, statistically, you'll get one. That's what I'm doing, and even if I only can keep it for a week, at least I have a weeks worth of money to buy food with! I luckily have an arrangement where my rent is free in exchange for doing yard work, cleaning, and taking care of an elderly woman. Unfortunately, the only space I'm allowed to use is the shared bathroom (in which I have a shelf to myself), the kitchen (in which I also have a shelf), and my bedroom (which, unfortunately, is half taken up with the woman's boxes- she's a hoarder. there's room for the bed and then enough room to open the door halfway lol). If you can't afford rent and still can't find a job, maybe you could find an arrangement like what I have (of course, making sure the person isn't a hoarder)... it sounds like shit but honestly it beats couch-hopping!! At least I have a room to (kinda) call my own, to keep me out of the rain and wind, somewhere I am guaranteed to be allowed to sleep everynight.
I know it's hard, but good luck, you can do it, you're still young!