How to be a perfect girlfriend!


Listen, peasants. Today, I'm going to share with you the ultimate steps on how to be the oh so perfect girlfriend (or wifey, whatever) You can thank me later... oh and btw, you're welcome.

Without further adieu, here are the simple steps:

1.) TEXT HIM EVERY 10 MINUTES - Men sure do love being nagged by their girl friends! Ask him where he is, who's with him, what time he's coming home, what he had for lunch, and any other question that you may have in mind. Do this until he gets home! This will prove how much you love and care about him.

2.) THROW A TANTRUM WHENEVER A GIRL LIKES HIS STATUS ON FACEBOOK -  So some bitch liked his status about getting a new car, don't tell me you're just going to sit back and relax? Show your other half that you are so upset about it! You're the only girl who's allowed to like everything he posts on Facebook, that other girl was waaaay out of line. Don't be scared, this only shows that you really do like your boyfriend - and he secretly likes that.

3.) ALWAYS EXPECT HIM TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING - Girls should NEVER pay for anything, especially when they're on a date! It's the men's job to pay for every single thing that girls buy, duh? If he lets YOU pay for any thing at all, that means he's totally not worth it... and he doesn't love you. 

4.) DON'T BE A KILL JOY, MEN LOVE PLAYING PSYCHIC! DON'T TELL HIM WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND! - Seriously, if you're the type of girl who tells her man why you're upset, you're doing it wrong. You should let your man guess wtf is going on, it shows that he truly knows and cares about you. Men love suspense, so don't ruin it for them! Even if it takes a lot of yelling and fighting and silent treatment, don't say anything. Got it?

5.) "CHOOSE ONE: ME OR THAT FREAKING GAME?" - Right after saying this, your man will surely realise how much you really love him. You're jealous of a fucking game for Christ's sake! Of course he'll choose you, he's just waiting for you to react. Trust me, this will bring your relationship to a whole new level. Congratulations!

6.) COMPARE HIM TO EVERY SINGLE GUY YOU DATED/SLEPT WITH - Guys really appreciate it when their girlfriends compare them to other men. This is a competition about everything, after all. Tell your man how your ex boyfriend made you scream and tremble in bed, and how great your sex life used to be. I'm pretty sure he'll smile at you and say "Thanks hun, I really love you for telling me that. I will be better next time. Don't worry, I'm not insecure nor mad!"

7.) BAN HIM FROM WATCHING PORN! THAT'S CHEATING! - As his girlfriend, you are allowed to go through his web history. If some flithy websites come up, confront and accuse him of cheating! This will make your man realise that you really care about your future, that you don't want to spend your life with anyone else but him. This will also indicate that you're possessive, which means you're a total keeper! 

8.) DON'T BOTHER ABOUT YOUR LOOKS/HYGIENE AT ALL - Even if you don't shave and brush your teeth for days, it doesn't matter if your man truly loves you. Hell, you can wear granny panties and let yourself look greasy because he loves you for who you are! Men don't have needs, it's totally unnecessary for you to tidy up yourself. 

9.) ALWAYS LET HIM PLAN OUT YOUR DATES - Men don't like it when women tell them what they want to do on dates, it totally hurts their ego!!! Men only ask women what they want to do as a sign of respect... or they're just really running out of things to talk about. But really, they don't need your opinion. Shut the fuck up and let them plan out everything. 

10.) PLAY DUMB, IT'S SOOOOO CUTE! - Men don't like it when they have smart girlfriends, it makes them feel inferior. Pretend that you don't know this and that, it really makes you look so adorable :) If you are naturally dumb, flaunt it! "OMG! Who's this Adolf Hitler guy that everyone hates? He looks like my grandfather." +100 points for you girl! 


Are there any other tips that you would like to share?



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24 comments :

  1. LOLing so much right now! But I don't know what's worse... That there are women who actually do these things? Or that I've actually had men do these things to me?! xx

    http://thecurvygirlinthecorner.blogspot.com

    P.S. Liked this post on Bloglovin ;)

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  2. Hi My name is “Thomson” just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 3years with 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that she filed for divorce… I tried my best to make her change her mind & stay with me cause i loved her with all my heart and didn’t want to loose her but everything just didn’t work out… she moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster TEMPLE OF LIVE who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used roots and herbs… Within 7 days she called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma she had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child… I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need’s it… You can email him templeoflive@gmail.com.

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  4. WOAH that's funny + really looking to work out with girly problems :P I love the idea of Paying the bills and liking of FB status :P
    Noor @Noor's Place

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  5. Oh hahaha it's cute , funny and I can get some tips :P Oo well, it's really fun when girls compare them with their exs :P "He was a jerk , but now I got my prince Charming" :D

    Aree With Umbrella

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  6. Wow I've been doing it wrong this whole time. You're a lifesaver! My husband won't know what hit him.

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  7. Oh this did make me laugh!

    dp
    x

    www.inanityandthegirl.com

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  8. Haha play dumb love it!

    11. Ask him everything there is to know about his ex, and be sure to ask if you're better than her in every category,

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  9. I'm a big fan of you already - this post sold me, I'm definitely your newest follower from the blog hop! Hope you'll follow me back!
    Thanks for the laugh!
    Kaylynn
    colbkayandtrae.blogspot.com

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  10. that armpit is really white. GIA I HAVEN'T STALKED YOU IN A WHILE! That being said, I know that most girlfriends would probably deny doing some of those things, but let's face it. Some of those things are something that people do ;) ahhahaha but seriously. that armpit is really white. did you use bleach or something. labyuuu <3

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  11. I love this. Thank you. This just made my day~

    Happy Monday!
    Clare
    Understated Classics

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  12. I'm definitely going do what Mr Anonymous up there suggested and cast a spell on the man of my choice. So genius.

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  13. Love this post... but got me thinking. To be a good wife then do I have to let my husband look at porn?

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  14. This is so funny! But sometimes, I am guilty of some the things mentioned above. :)

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  15. Hello everyone,
    my name is Alexander from Sweden,i am so happy i met a great man online and i saw many people writing about him so i decide to write him as well for help to make me have my ex love back,it was like a dream to me when i contact Dr.Ogungbe the well known spell caster last week,he replied me that he will help me out but i have doubt at first because me and my ex have been apart for 3 years and am wondering if this is gonna work,to cut the story short,Dr.Ogungbe have brought back my ex love to me and my daughter,am so happy now and now am back to my life as a family man,he is a great man i have promise him that i will tell people all around the world about him..i will like you people in need of his help to please contact Dr.Ogungbe
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    Alexander from Sweden

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  16. i never believed that this divorce would be canceled just exactly the way Dr ikuku told me that was how it happened.When Grey called me that he his no longer interested that he needs a divorce i was so shocking and wondering what made him to ask for a divorce it was just like a joke he filed the divorce and i got a letter from the court,i was just so shocking and having deep pain that why would Grey do me such a thing and we where suppose to come to the court to sign the divorce on the 20th of may,and it was getting late because i never wanted this divorce to take place there was no time i was just thinking and hoping for a miracle to come my way and make Grey forget about getting a divorce,But all my heart desire was granted with the help of Dr ikuku,After i read some interesting reviews about Dr ikuku helping a woman who are husband needed a divorce and it was almost late like mine.So then i contacted Dr ikuku and told him my problem he just told me not to worry that he assures me that everything would be okay and that Grey would cancel the divorce and beg me to forgive him,Dr ikuku told me that all this will come to past within 24 hours,i was like if this really happens i will testify his name to the whole world and i hoped on Dr ikuku to hear a good news,This was more than a good news the first call i heard was from the lawyer saying Grey came to his office and said he does not need a divorce any longer that he loves me and need me around,i was so happy in hearing that so as i was dropping the call Grey call came in and he told me in tears that i should forgive him and listen to him,Then i told him to come over he came over and we are together he loves me and said he does not need any divorce all he need is me he told the lawyer to come and change his will and every asset he owns to my name,Am so happy today and grateful for this wonderful thing Dr ikuku has done for me.You can contact Dr ikuku for help and get instant solution on ikukutempleofsolution@gmail.com or cell number +2348034458597 My name is Sarafina from the united state of America

    ReplyDelete
  17. I thought it odd as she'd just gone, without any proper 'goodbyes'.
    I was really unhappy as deep down I felt that we should be together. Then i ask for help when i saw Dr. Wicca's ad on the internet and phoned him, within a few minutes I just knew that he would help me, he's so helpful, and really understands what you are going through. I have recommended him to anyone who are having troubles because my girlfriend came back into my life within 32 hours just like he said it, We solved our issues.
    Well, I can now confirm that Dr. Wicca is totally amazing and i'm so happy that he has been able to do this for me. He helped me get a new job, its working in a factory, basic pay but I am happy, every weekend off, many thanks to Dr. Wicca. I would highly recommend Dr. Wicca's work to anybody, he will tell you if he can help you or not, straight talking or whatever problem you are experiencing. Contact him on dr.wiccahightemple@gmail.com or find him on facebook on: Wicca temple

    Ivan Dicks from London

    ReplyDelete
  18. My name is Grace, I want to testify of the good work of a spell caster called Dr. dada I and my husband were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. We have been together for 6 yrs now. Three months ago, I started to notice some strange attitude from my husband and a month later I found out that my husband is seeing someone else outside my matrimonial home. He started coming home late from work, He hardly care about me or the kids, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't come back home for one week. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet I came across a website that suggested that Dr dada can help. I felt I should give him a try. So, I contacted him and he did a spell for me. Three days later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again.. All thanks to High Prophet dr dada. If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell that truly works, I suggest you contact him. He will never disappoint you. For those that are interested, this is his email address:dadariver.shrine@gmail.com

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  19. My name is Conrad Eve, my family and i live together live in USA. It was after seven years i got to discover that my Husband was unfaithful to me. I didn't know what was going on at first but as he got deep in the affair with his new lover, i felt that our marriage was on the rocks. I notice that he no longer light up when i touch him or kiss him in his neck and his chest cos he really liked it when i did that, he also usually get naked in front of me but when he started seeing that woman he stopped it. I remember asking him if i have done anything that makes him feel irritated when i am around him then he gives silly excuses that he has been feeling stressed up and that he need space for a while. I know when you are been asked for space its usually because there is something fishy going on. I hired a private investigator to help find out what was going on. And in a week time he brought me prove that my Husband that i have lived with for seven straight year is cheating on me with his high school lover. I had picture of him walking out a of a restaurant with her and many other photo of them kissing in public like he will never be caught by someone that knows he is my Husband. I asked myself, even when we had a daughter together he could do this to me. That same night i showed him the pictures that i got from my private investigator. He didn't look at it before saying, that he is seeing someone and he know that i just found out about it. Then he said that he is in love with her. At that moment, i didn't know if to kill myself or to kill him but the button line is that if i was going to kill anyone it was going to be me because i was so much in love with him to even think of thinking to hurt him. As time goes on he asked for a divorce and got it and i got custody of our daughter and i weep everyday seeing my daughter with out being around her daddy. I just couldn't get my mind off my Husband and all i could think about was getting him back and live as every family should. For a year i tried all i could to get him back with the help of my seven year old daughter. Even at that all effect was in vain, i used the help of his friend but turned out all bad. I know most people don't believe in spell casting but believe me this was my last option and the result i most say was impressive. And i know it difficult to believe but A SPELL CASTER DR. KAHIOKO really made my life much better because he gave me my family back. He didn't ask me to pay for what he did for me all i was to do, was to provide the materials for the spell and i should believe that he had the power to help me. Like he said, he was going to do something that will make him reset his love and affection for me just as it has always been. My Husband told me he woke up and realized that he should have never left me that i am all he needs.To make thing clear, his life with his high school lover was great before DR. KAHIOKO cast the spell, they had no disagreement on anything. My Husband said it himself that why he broke up with her is something he can not explain just that he woke up on the same bed with her after a very romantic night saying he is breaking up with her for no reason at all. Only DR. KAHIOKO can do such a thing, contact him to solve your problem with his email drkahiokosolutionhome@gmail.com

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  20. After six years in marriage with my husband with 3 kids, he suddenly started going out with other women and coming home late, each time i confronted him it turns out to be a fight and he always threatened to divorce me at all time, my marriage was gradually coming to an end. i tried all i could to stop him from this unruly attitude but all proved abortive, until i saw a post in the forum about a spell caster who helps people cast spell on marriage and relationship problems, at first i doubted it but decided to give it a try, when i contacted this Spell caster Dr. Dangogo via email, he helped me cast a spell and within 4 hours my husband came back apologizing for all he has done and promised never to do such again and today we are happily together again. Contact this Great spell caster for your marriage or relationship issues via this email; dr.dangogospell@gmail.com

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  21. I was desperate on trying to turn my life around. I talked to ogbefispell@gmail.com about which spell would be the best for me help me get the house we wanted. The results have been great and we hope to close escrow next week. I know this would have not been possible with out your help as the property had gone off the market and after your spell it suddenly was back on the market a week later. Just amazing, Thank you so much ogbefispell@gmail.com........
    Andrew Lotts Springs

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