But I'd like to pretend that I'm having a child real soon and that he/she will stalk my blog for hours (I'll make sure my child appreciates this little blog or I'll probably disown that little spawn of Satan)
Right now, I am writing (well, typing) this letter for you instead of watching Grey's Anatomy so you better read it all the way. I assume that you found this letter just because you really love reading your mum's blog... and it shows that I raised you damn well.
I hope that by the time you read this, I'm considered a MILF because that's my biggest goal ever since the day I found out what that word means. You are probably rolling your eyes right now but that's okay, I would have done the same thing if I read your grandma's open letter to me. I would have even banned her from using the internet ever again but let's not go there.
It's a given fact that every parent's number one wish for their child is for them to live a happy life; therefore, I am going to do my best to give that to you. I am nowhere near religious so I can't really talk to you about God, but I do believe in good karma and living a positive life. I will remind you everyday the difference between right and wrong, how to treat others, how to earn people's trust, and many other things that will help you become a better person.
I will also make sure that you know how much I love you. If you're a girl who turns out to be attracted to other girls, that's totally fine! If you're a boy who would rather kiss and hold hands with a boy, that is okay with me too. It doesn't matter who and what you are, mum will always be there for you.
I cannot guarantee you a life full of colour and sunshine, there will always be bad days. Things will get tough as you grow older and you will feel lost along the way. But don't worry, every person who walked on this planet has experienced this. I'll tell you the bright side though, you will always have me, and that's one things you should always remember.
I can lecture you about keeping your legs closed or keeping your deadly snake inside your pants but I'll save that for later.
Oh and don't worry, your birth certificate sure as hell isn't an apology letter from the condom factory.
PS: Feel free to surf my Instagram as well. You'll see a shit ton of your photos. You may hate me for doing that but hey, at least people called you cute???