Have you ever been in a situation or phase when you just stopped doing the things that you used to love, used to be so passionate about, used to really care about? I used to be that kind of person who would organise a hang out and invite everyone I could think of. I used to enjoy listening to my iPod until 3:00 in the morning, but now I can't even stand 2 songs. I used to play my favourite vinyls on my record player until my siblings ask me to lower the volume. I used to do a lot of things that make me happy, and now I can't simply bring myself to even like them.
What scares me is the fact that I'm slowly getting used to it. Nowadays I just find myself working, blogging, reading tweets about the snow in the UK, pigging out, and watching 10 episodes of whatever TV show I can find - and it's getting hard to shake it out of my system. I feel like I'm losing my identity and I have no idea how to get it back
What's worse is when I have to deal with other issues rather than focusing on my personal ones. Rude clients who would demand their money back AFTER they've approved everything, people asking me a lot of questions that I don't want to talk about, having a constant battle with myself about pretty much everything, and the list goes on. At the end of the day, those negative and awful thoughts just keep flashing in my head and the only thing I can do is sleep it off and deal with it the following day. It's a vile cycle that I can't escape because I don't have the motivation to get out of it, and it sucks.
Uni starts next month and I hope it will somehow help me go back to my normal self. I am tired of not knowing what I really want to do, what I should do to make myself happy again. Maybe once uni starts, I'll slowly climb out of my shell and learn how to appreciate the things that I used to love. I just hope that this coming school year would work out just fine, even though a lot of things changed in the past few months. I still haven't come up with a plan, but I know I'll make it through... I always do. I just need time.