I have this deadly habit of constantly comparing myself to others. Ever since I was young, my heart has this tiny portion filled with hatred because I can't stop comparing and feeling bad about myself. I used to go to a very prestigious school with a lot of rich and famous people. My classmates have their own drivers, have a lot of money in their wallets, and showcase the latest gadgets. I was young and had a lot of questions in mind, I often asked my parents why we're not living in luxury. Why I must bring packed lunch instead of just giving me money, why I must take the school bus instead of having my own driver, why I can't have a coloured cellphone. I compared myself to everyone around me and it almost destroyed me.
As I grew older, I got over that phase. Well, at least for the materialistic part.
When I reached puberty, my deadly habit got worse.
My friends already knew what they're good at, most of the girls I know are getting prettier and sexier, and so many other stuff. It's like, all the people I used to hang out with have finally sorted their life out but there I was, still stuck god knows where. It drove me insane, I was unhappy. I wanted to get out and start fresh. Thank god one of my wishes finally came true.
We moved to New Zealand when I was 15, just in time after I got into real deep shit at school. Let's just say that if I stayed, I would have gotten kicked out or be on probation for half a year. Although I missed my friends and relatives, I was so glad we migrated.
I would be lying if I say that I no longer compare myself to others. At this present age of 19, I still do. But the difference is, I now know how to deal with it. I use this deadly habit of mine to challenge myself to be better, to strive harder and reach my goals. I have come across several successful people who are so great at what they do, and they truly inspire me to achieve that same level of success.
Safe to say, comparing myself to others took over my happiness for such a long time. But then again, I also know that it made me a much better person. I'm no longer that person who doesn't know where to go. I have a list of goals mentally written down on my brain, and I'm slowly working through them. In the end, I've somehow managed to finally take over my weakness. There are times when those ugly thoughts crawl down my head but at the end of the day, I know I'm now better than that. Better than the old me who used to be so negative about everything.
If we're on the same boat, I would just like to say, don't feel bad if you find yourself doing a lot of comparisons. We are humans, we can't help feeling jealous and greedy from time to time. But don't let it eat you alive. Just find yourself, get to know who you are and what you want to be, and to hell with everyone else.